Thursday, January 31, 2008

Chris Berman blows an o-ring

not safe to view if you're at work or have small children in the room

Happy, jovial Chris Berman goes OFF, and the f-bomb flies

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

No Wade, No Haslem, No Shaq, No Zo, No Problem!

Poor Pat Riley. The man can't quit his job, even though he must be DYING to. However having already pulled that trick the last time the Heat sucked and handing the reigns to the illustrious Stan Van Gundy, he'd risk tarnishing his Hall of Fame legacy by bailing on them now.

After last nights debacle against the Celtics, where a PAT RILEY coached team showed absolutely no heart or hustle, they travel to SVG's new team, division leading Orlando tonight.

Oh, more good news - Dwyane Wade did not travel with the team due to the flu, and Udonis Haslem sprained his ankle and probably will be out for a while. He was in a walking boot after the game last night.

I am guessing the Heat field this starting lineup:

PG - J-Swill
SG - Icky Davis
SF - No-rell Wright
PF - 6th stringer Alexander Johnson (having him start is indignity enough, no need to humiliate him with a mocking nickname)
C - UnreMarkable Blount

Again, the Heat are reaping what they have sowed -- they sold the future for a chance at a ring with Shaq and it paid off. I am not pissed. I am not sad. I am actually optimistic with some lottery ball love/frozen envelope help from Der Komissar, the Heat will be back on top sooner than later. (Which reminds me -- I went to a Falco concert recently, and they didn't play Rock Me Amadeus. Pure balls.)

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

So You're Saying There's a Chance!

more like 1 in a billion.

Tonight, the 34-8 Celtics visit the Heat (1-15 in their last 16, but riding a season record tying 1 game winning streak, thankyouverymuch). The Celtics will be without MVP favorite Kevin Garnett, who is out with a strained abdominal muscle. In a related story, I don't think I have abdominal muscles any longer, but that's for medical science to decide.

I think this guy gets a chance to break his career scoring high of 38:


I saw this on Alec Baldwin's blog on The Huffington Post. It was an article taken from a weekly newspaper in Baldwin's hometown on an extremely affluent and exclusive part of Long Island. Kind of makes you sick. If this is what educated and wealthy "liberal" New Yorkers act like, what is going on in other parts of the country?

Alec Baldwin writes:
"For those of you wondering how the Obama ascendancy is playing out in
Small Town America, I offer you
this column from the Independent, a weekly newspaper published on the East End of Long Island by Jerry Della Femina, the former advertising executive turned restaurateur and columnist. This particular piece was written by Rick Murphy under his weekly "Low Tidings" column. Murphy is also credited as a publisher of the Independent.

This article has caused quite a stir in East Hampton and beyond. So much so
that the paper has pulled it from their website and Murphy, a regular antagonist
of the Democratic Party, both locally and nationally, and the Clintons in particular, has
replaced it with a brief apology. The Independent is considered the more
right-leaning and Republican-endorsing paper of the East End community. Della
Femina himself is regarded as one of the great Hillary-Haters in all of the

On the heels of Barack Obama being endorsed for the presidency by the
normally close-to-the-vest Caroline Kennedy, whose invocation of her father's
enduring legacy carries, in some people's hearts and minds, more weight than any
ten such endorsements by others, please read what the local Republicans in my
home town are thinking, and publishing, about Senator Obama. This is, quite
clearly, not to be believed."

You Were Born To Rub Me First

(editor's note: I also would have accepted the title "Your Uncle Molests Collies")

The Miami Herald had an interview with Cindy Morgan, who was Lacey Underall in Caddyshack (you might also remember her from that thrilling action movie Tron)

The interview wasn't interesting, except that she still is making a living doing Caddyshack themed events. I don't know if night putting is involved.

She has a link to her website, and a current pic, which I did think was interesting.

I wonder what the wet blanket girl with the bad Irish accent is up to?

Lacey then... and now...

what is your favorite line from Caddyshack?

Ted Kennedy's endorsement speech of Obama

I was born almost a decade after JFK was assassinated and about 6 years after RFK, I always felt wistful that I had missed seeing those two inspirational politicians. Since I have been cognizant of politics (I remember watching Reagan's inauguration live on TV when I was home with the chicken pox in 1980, but probably didn't really pay attention to anything until the 1992 election) no politician has seemed to capture what the Kennedys seemed to possess- the genuine compassion and longing to help the everyday American. Perhaps it's through the nostalgic view history has given them, the sense of "what could have been"?

That being said, Ted Kennedy gave ONE HELLUVA endorsement speech for Barack Obama. Watch below. I hope you voted in today's Florida primary. (I equally hope the votes, you know, like, actually get counted correctly by the state).

Monday, January 28, 2008

Screw it, I am going to talk about the Marlins

There was a pretty interesting article on Baseball For instance, did you know that the Marlins middle infielders had the most combined extra base hits for a 2B-SS combo in the history of baseball?

"Florida Marlins
Rule 5 picks are supposed to be for strong-armed relievers and toolsy outfielders in A-ball. You’re not supposed to be able to grab a major-league-ready middle infielder who can step into the everyday lineup and hit .282 with 27 homers. Nevertheless, that’s what Dan Uggla did for the Marlins as a rookie. Even though he was 25 years old and looked like the perfect candidate for a sophomore jinx, he might have had an even better season last year: his average dropped to .245, but he drew 20 more walks (going from 48 to 68), and his surprising power took an even more surprising step forward, as he hit 31 homers, and chipped in 49 doubles and three triples. That’s 83 extra-base hits from a middle infielder. Impressive? Here’s the list of every second baseman or shortstop who had amassed 83 or more extra-base hits in a season prior to 2007:Ernie Banks
Nomar Garciaparra (twice)
Charlie Gehringer
Rogers Hornsby (four times)
Cal Ripken
Alfonso Soriano
Alex Rodriguez (four times)
Robin Yount
That’s five Hall of Famers and, in A-Rod, a top-shelf Hall of Famer in the making. There may be more, because I think Soriano has a real shot at the Hall of Fame—let’s face it, once Jim Rice gets in next year, the standards for entry make every outfielder better than Joe Carter a viable candidate. Nomar looked like a sure Hall of Famer until roughly the moment he left the Red Sox, and still has a shot if he can pad the superstar-shortstop portion of his career with a lot of counting numbers in the overrated-first baseman portion of his career. (Hey, it worked for Ernie Banks.)
And then there’s Uggla... and then there’s also the two other guys who earned a place on that list by turning the trick last season. One was Jimmy Rollins, who won the MVP award and has a shot at the Hall of Fame himself. Rollins needs 193 hits this season to reach 1500 before his 30th birthday, which would put him in excellent position for a 3000-hit career.
The other guy is Uggla’s teammate,
Hanley Ramirez. A feat that had only been accomplished by eight players previously—all Hall of Famers or potential Hall of Famers—was accomplished by both members of a single double-play combination. Together, Ramirez and Uggla combined for 166 extra-base hits. Needless to say, no double-play combination has ever combined for that many extra-base hits in a season. The runner up? Let’s just say it was a good year for middle infielders in the NL East:
Year Team Shortstop 2B 3B
HR XBH Second Baseman 2B 3B HR XBH Total
2007 FLA Hanley Ramirez 48 6 29 83 Dan Uggla 49 3 31 83 166
2007 PHI Jimmy Rollins 38 20 30 88
Chase Utley 48 5 22 75 163
2001 SFG
Rich Aurilia 37 5 37 79 Jeff Kent 49 6 22 77 156
2006 PHI Jimmy Rollins 45 9 25 79 Chase Utley 40 4 32 76 155
2005 BAL
Miguel Tejada 50 5 26 81 Brian Roberts 45 7 18 70 151
2005 TEX
Michael Young 40 5 24 69 Alfonso Soriano 43 2 36 81 150
1996 SEA Alex Rodriguez 54 1 36 91
Joey Cora 37 6 6 49 140
2003 TEX Alex Rodriguez 30 6 47 83 Michael Young 33 9 14 56 139
1950 BOS
Vern Stephens 34 6 30 70 Bobby Doerr 29 11 27 67 137
Incidentally, if you’re looking for evidence on how much the offensive standards for middle infielders has changed in the past 20 years, you’ve found it. If we use the play-by-play database (which only goes back to 1957, so far) and calculate the exact number of times that the second baseman or shortstop then in the game managed an extra-base hit, the
Phillies get a boost from Tadahito Iguchi, who filled in for Utley when the latter spent a month on the DL. That list looks like this:
Year Team XBH
2007 Philadelphia 174
2007 Florida 173
2001 San Francisco 159
1997 Boston 158
2006 Philadelphia 156

Consider this particular duel to be still unsettled, as all four players involved will be under their clubs' control for the next four seasons. On one side, you have Rollins and Utley, the MVP and near-MVP of the National League, each earning over $7 million in 2008 (and underpaid at that). On the other, you’ve got Ramirez and Uggla, who were paid less than a million dollars last year. Unless the Marlins have some long-term deals in the offing, they likely will make less than a million dollars this year—combined."

Not too shabby.

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Ocho Cinco in Miami?

Check out this video of Miami native Chad Johnson -- the Cincy media asked him if he will be wearing Orange and Black next year, and he replies "maybe aqua and orange" - and ends it with "Parcells! Call me, man!".
I'd take him any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I'd give up the 2nd round pick the Fins got from San Diego.

It would be essentially a straight up trade for Chambers for Chad, and who wouldn't do that?

LOST in 8:15 (get it?)

anyone else psyched for LOST's 4th season premiere on Thursday? Here is a cool 8:15 video recapping the first three seasons of the survivors of Oceanic flight 815.

Fins Might Not Have Their Man at OC

Over the weekend, the Sun-Sentinel had an article, saying the Dolphins were trying to get the Saints' QB coach, Pete Carmichael to become the new offensive coordinator. Ethan Skolnick blogged here that this would be a good hire for John Beck's progress. Carmichael has been Drew Brees' position coach since Brees' second year in the league; the Saints QB is the player most often Beck draws comparisons to from people in the know. Prior to working with Brees, Carmichael coached at Louisiana Tech under Gary Crowton, who recruited and coached Beck at BYU. (shout out to my favorite La Tech alum, PJ Brown, whose textbook gutwrench suplex of Charlie Ward is my favorite Heat play of all time.) is reporting that the Saints are not going to release Carmichael (they are not under any obligation to) and that the Fins are interviewing ex Falcons offensive coordinator Hue Jackson today.

Kind of disappointing if this turns out to be accurate, as I was eager to see a young offensive mind like Carmichael come in and lead the type of offense the Saints had, and with the Fins having similar personnel, albeit unproven (Deuce: Ronnie, Reggie: Booker, Brees:Beck).

If it's not Carmichael, I'd bet the OC will end up being Chris Palmer- the Giants QB coach, Tony Sparano's mentor since college, and a Parcells guy, but he can't be interviewed until the Super Bowl is over. Palmer's claim to fame? Being the expansion coach of the Browns and picking Tim Couch #1 overall to lead your franchise. Not exactly something you want bolded on the old curriculum vitae if you're noted as a QB guru.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Shalom, Rudy

and this time "shalom" means "goodbye" not "hello"

Someone is REALLY sad the Cowboys lost!

click the arrow in the center to play the video

Dolphins Thoughts - PFT: Two #1s and Marion Barber III for the Fins Overall #1?

as per the guys at

Posted by Mike Florio on January 27,
2008, 12:53 p.m.
ESPN’s Chris Mortensen suggested during a special edition
of Sunday NFL Countdown that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is eyeing the possibility
of swinging a trade with the Dolphins for the No. 1 overall pick in the 2008
Such a deal would allow the ‘Boys to bag running back Darren
McFadden, who played college
football at Jones’ alma mater of Arkansas.
Per Mort, any such deal would have to include the rights to Cowboys running
back Marion Barber, who is slated to be a restricted free agent. To make it
happen, the Cowboys would have to work out a sign-and-trade deal before Barber
gets a chance to ink an offer sheet that would force the Cowboys to match the
terms or let him go in exchange for compensation. Thus, the safest bet for the
‘Boys would be to tender Barber at the highest possible level, which would force
any team that signs him to give up a first-round pick and a third-round pick.
Those extra picks then could be used to sweeten the pot for the top spot in the
And it’s clear that the Cowboys are going to have to find a way to
enhance the two first-rounders that they can offer up for the No. 1 pick. Under
revised draft
, the Cowboys pick at No. 22 (from Cleveland) and at No. 28. Under the trade chart, the
No. 22 overall pick is worth 780 points and the No. 28 selection is worth 660
points. The No. 1 selection has a value of 3,000 points; thus, the Cowboys would
be a whopping 1,560 points short.
Though the trade chart arguably needs to
be adjusted to reflect the fact that the enormous financial investment that is
now required when using the top pick makes the prospects of a move up even more
fraught with risk, the Fins could justify the 1,560-point gap by placing that
value on Barber, who coupled with Ronnie Brown could give Miami a deadly one-two
punch in the backfield.
Some readers think that the framework for a deal is
already in place, and was part of the unspoken understanding that allowed the
Dolphins to have their way with the Dallas front office. If that’s true it
wouldn’t surprise us. Jones surely covets McFadden, and our guess is that he is
willing to do whatever is necessary to get him."

My gut tells me this is not the deal the Fins would or should make, but who knows. Running back is arguably the deepest and best position on the entire team. Sure, Ronnie Brown is coming off a torn ACL but he was looking Pro Bowl bound before his unfortunate injury. Ricky Williams is a very cheap contract, Jesse Chatman could probably return inexpensively and Lorenzo Booker showed promise as a scat back/3rd down back.

I love MB3, and no one knows the Cowboys personnel better than the Tuna and Ireland. Parcells also mentioned that the #1 overall pick is scary because of the financial commitment one has to give. Guaranteed $30+ million to a rookie without 1 game of pro experience is scary, especially when there is no clear cut #1 ala Peyton Manning, Orlando Pace, Carson Palmer type. Perhaps the Cowboys could trade their two #1s to some other team in the top 10, and package that with a player and more picks for the right to get McFadden. Talent-wise the drop from #1 overall to #22 & 28 could be sharp. I favor dropping out of the top spot, I think they should try and do better than this rumor suggests.

Miami Heat: Guh

I can't say that this season is breaking my heart, per se, because I am still basking in the afterglow of the 2006 championship. I know, pathetic, but after 20 years of being a Heat fan, that moment was a watershed, and it exorcised a lot of demons.

My take on this season to this point.

Disaster of a season, 2nd worst record in the league!
Main Causes:
Injuries - Shaq just went back on the DL for at least 2 weeks, probably a month (or longer) with 2 bad hips, inflammation and bursitis, this after missing 2 weeks last month and this month. Wade has yet to find his explosiveness and athleticism since coming off major shoulder surgery and knee surgery over the summer. Alonzo Mourning had a career ending major quad and ligaments tear. J-Will has been in and out of the lineup with knee problems and this is free agency year and has been terrible.

The Heat were on a 15 game losing streak, the longest since the lovable expansion team led by Rory Sparrow, Rony Seikaly, and Ron Rothstein's perm, which lost 17 in a row to start the season in 1988.
15 Wrong aka Team Depth - Riley gambled by not re-signing Jason Kapono & James Posey this offseason, and got stung by Mo Williams and Charlie Bell being matched on the offer sheets the Heat made. Dorell Wright has not developed as hoped. Ricky Davis has been disappointing. Mark Blount, a throw in from Minnesota needed in order to shed the contract of Antoine Walker has played better as a starter since Shaq & Zo went down.

Bright spots - It is comforting to think and actually believe that this disasterous slide could be brief; rookie Daequan Cook has been better than advertised (not spectacular, but could develop into a Vinnie Johnson type microwave off the bench). The Heat has lottery protection on this year's #1 from the Minnesota trade, as it stands now, the Heat with the 2nd worst record in the league would do no worse than the #5 overall pick in the deep draft.

They have a plan (and are sticking to it) to have tremendous cap room in 2010 when Shaq's deal comes off the books (along with basically everyone else's, Wade has a player option, and presumably Cook & 2008 rookie will be there but on relatively small deals). They can add 2 max contracts in addition to Wade if they want that year, when the likes of LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer, Joe Johnson, Tracy McGrady, Jermaine O'Neal, Mike Miller, Andrew Bogut, Amare Stoudamire, Steve Nash, Raja Bell, & Manu Ginobili, can potentially be free.

Basically, they made a Faustian deal for the 2006 title, and it worked. The window slammed faster than they anticipated with Shaq and with Wade's new max deal coming in this year making the cap and tax tight, but winning the title justifies it.