Pop Culture Lane: January 2009

8:15 am, clock radio goes off, and a baby is awake crying in another room...
someone puts a bottle on the stove and a record on the player... we don't know who it is yet, or when it is yet...

wait, it's the island... and it's the strange Dharma guy from the Dharma movie (Dr. Marvin Candle)... he is filming the movie, so this is sometime in the past

Was that Finn De-troo-lio from the Sopranos who interrupts the filming?

The Dharma guys' drill melted underground as they are building a station... near a source of "limitless energy" that will allow them to manipulate time...
ok (they're answering stuff real early)

Dr. Chang/Candle warns the engineer not to drill too close, it'll release the energy and screw things up..

d'oh! Daniel Faraday is there! He time travelled back there?

now we're back to 2007, crazy beard Jack and Ben with Locke's corpse in the funeral home. Ben is trying to motivate Jack to get Locke in a van and go break Hurley out of the nut house. Jack asks Ben how they got here, how did this happen.. Ben replies it's because they left the island.

Jack shaves the crazy beard at a hotel and Ben lays out the plan of getting the other Oceanic 6. Ben reveals the last time he saw Locke was on the island when Ben goes to spin the wheel from last season. Jack reveals Locke told him everyone they left behind will die if he doesn't come back.

flashback to 2004, Ben spinning the wheel to move the island...

and we see Locke, apparently after the white light moves the island, in a rainstorm in the jungle, apparently alone...

Farraday and some of the islanders are shown on the raft and shirtless Sawyer and shirted Juliette are on the beach, and they realize the freighter in front of them is gone all of a sudden. Bernard and Rose show up panicked and shows the camp and food and water disappeared.
Farraday says it's not gone. Why is he wearing a tie still? In this weather? He is looking for a "constant". He hints they are back in time. (And the SNL sketch of Michael J Fox in the elevator while the cast members sing "Goin' Back in Tie-yime" is running through my head)

LOST title graphic

Kate is in 2007 with Aaron in their McMansion eating breakfast. Two guys knock on the door and pretend to be lawyers. Kate doesn't let them in the house. They want a blood sample from her and Aaron. He has a court order (so he says). They want to determine her relationship to Aaron. He refuses to say who wants the court order. She tells him to come back with the sheriff. Kate hauls ass and gets a-packing. She ain't waiting for no sheriff. Aaron (now about 3 or 4) asks where they're going, and she tells him they are going on vacation. She puts a wad of cash and a gun in her bag.

Sawyer and Juliet lead Faraday and Charlotte to find the hatch from the Dharma station to use as a constant. Sawyer slaps Faraday for not explaining WTF is going on. He explains what's going on... Ben dislodged the island from "time". The island may be moving through time or just them, the people, are moving in time.

cut to Locke, climbing through the jungle, where he sees a bi-plane crash, after buzzing him ala North by Northwest... he finds one of the virgin mary statues (from Mr. Eko's brother) fall out of the plane. The plane is in the tree... where he goes to climb for survivors and gets shot in the leg for his trouble. And I believe that was Ethan, the guy who kidnapped Claire way back when, with the gun.

Man you really need to have a good memory for this show, apologies if I am getting the details or names wrong from past seasons.

Locke recognizes Ethan and tells him he knows him. He tells Ethan than Ben appointed him as the leader.... and Ethan is about to shoot him when a white light comes again and it is night time out all of a sudden. I think they are hiccuping through time. Sawyer asks a great question "When are we now", and Daniel says "we're in the past or future"

cut to Sun walking through an airport, on her way to LA. The ticket agent looks at her passport and it gets flagged in the computer. Sun is taken to a cell in the airport. Charles Widmore is there. He is angry with Sun for showing him no respect when she barged in their meeting last season. Widmore says Sun mentioned common interests. He asks what those were, and she says to kill Benjamin Linus.

Back to Jack and Ben, watching the news seeing Hugo escaped (we know Sayid broke him out of the looney bin). Cut to Hurley and Sayid at a drivethrough getting food. They pull into a motel or apartment house. Sayid tells Hurley he has been working for Ben, and if he ever runs into Ben, Hurley should do the opposite whatever Ben says. Sayid theows a would-be assassin off the building and goes into hand to hand combat with another guy. He shoots a dart into Sayid.
(Dude, you got a fuckin dart in your neck!) (What? You're crazy! I like you, but you're CRAZY)

Sayid goes down, but is playing possum (he apparently has spent the last several years building immunity to iocaine powder). He smacks the dart shooter with a frying pan. Then throws him on a basketful of knives in the dishwasher (see, that's why I always put the knives sharp side down in the basket). Hurley grabs the gun, when the pedestrians in the parking lot see the dead body Sayid threw overboard and crazy house escapee Hurley standing over them with the gun. They scatter and Hurley shleps Sayid away.

back to the Jungle with Charlotte and Miles Strom the angry medium and Charlotte and Sawyer and Faraday. They see the Hatch, blown up. They deduce they are now back in the future. Faraday explains the string theory of time, that they can't change history. Like Charlie dies no matter what.

Back to Locke, who is now on the ground by the plane. Still shot in the leg. The plane is now on the ground (from when he knocked it down) and Locke goes into it for shelter. He sees someone coming towards him with a torch. He draws his knife, and we see it's immortal Richard (who recognizes him). John asks "when am I" and Richard replies "it's all relative". Richard says he didn't go anywhere when the white light came, Locke did. He tells Locke he will jump soon, and the next time they see each other Richard won't recognize him, and hands him a compass. He tells Locke to save the island he has to get the Oceanic 6 back to the Island. He tells Locke that to get them back he has to die.

White flash and Locke is in daylight again.

the Plane is back in the trees. When are we? In the past. Locke has the compass.

Sawyer's gang is back at the hatch... white light time.. now it's daylight and the hatch is back, not blown up. Sawyer goes to the back door to get supplies. Farraday tries to tell him it won't work, that you can't change the past. (not sure whats the big deal about getting supplies). Juliette gets Sawyer to go back to the beach. Charlotte has a nose bleed. Farraday is freaked out, Charlotte seems non-plussed (when was the last time you saw someone break out a non-plussed?). Daniel goes through his journal to find some bit of info while they leave, and HE knocks on the door that he wouldn't let Sawyer go through. It's Desmond who answers in a bio hazard suit with a rifle. He asks Daniel if he is the replacement, and he says no. Farraday tells a confused Desmond that if the helicopter takes him off the island in the future, and they get on a freighter, to save his friends, he needs to go to Oxford University and find Farraday's mother... her name is... and Desmond wakes up seemingly from a dream, in apparently 2007, next to Penny.

Desmond says he had a dream while he was on the island... she tells him they haven't been on the Island in 3 years. He says it wasn't a dream, it was a memory. They are on a yacht and Des sets sail (a three hour tour? a three hour tour?)... he tells her they are going to Oxford.

Title card says "three years ago", and we see Frank Lapidus grab two brewskis out of the cooler... they are on Penny's rescue boat in 2004, it's the Oceanic 6 talking about the big lie they propose to tell before the world rescues them. Jack takes a poll and sees if they are all in agreement about the lie. Hurley doesn't want to lie, Jack explains its the only way to protect the ones they left behind, that Widmore wants to kill them, he already sunk a fake plane. Hurley asks Penny since he is her dad can't she do something? She says no. Hurley would rather tell the world that the island is gone, poof, disappeared. Jack says they'll think he's crazy. Hurley says not if people back him up. Sayid admits that lying is the best choice. Hurley tells Sayid he'll remember this moment and someday Sayid will need his help and he won't get it. (That's a bit harsh, Hurley).

Cut to Hurley helping poison darted Sayid, driving through the city. Hurley is getting pulled over by the cops (he is on the lam and he has an unconscious Iraqi next to him). The cop who pulls Hurley over? Ana-Lucia. It's Hurley hallucinating. She tells him he needs new clothes, a safe place, and to take Sayid to someone he trusts. She's like his antisocial Jiminy Cricket. She tells him "Libby says hi".

we're on the beach, and the adorable Rose and Bernard are trying to start a fire. I think the guy Neil was in "That Thing You Do" with Tom Hanks. He was the nerd who was interrupting the talent show (when are you going to play That Thing You Do? We came here to meet girls and dance and we can't until you play That Thing You Do!"). Sawyer and Juliet find Faraday coming out of jungle who was gone for two hours, we learn. To leave, Faraday needs to calculate a new bearing and they need to find out when they are.

Back to Weekend at Sayids as Hurley is dragging around the still drugged Iraqi. Hurley is at a gas station and buys some t-shirts (I heart Shi-Tzus). The gas station attendant says she recognizes him (but not from the fugitive picture, from the lottery and the plane rescue). He hauls ass and as he pulls out, coincidentally Kate pulls in to the same parking lot, missing each other by seconds. Aaron tells her he wants to go home. Kate pulls out a cell phone and contemplates calling Jack but doesn't. Suddenly the phone rings and "unknown" is on the caller ID. She can't believe whoever it is on the phone, she sounds glad to hear from them. She says she'll be there in half an hour. Aaron asks where they are going, and she tells him to see a friend. I think it's Sun.

Cut to Ben in the hotel room unscrewing the A/C vent and pulling a package out of it. Jack is looking for his pain pills, Ben tells him he flushed them down the terlet. Jack says he was going to do that himself and thanks Ben. Ben tells him to pack a suitcase and he's never coming back here. He says he'll pick Jack up in 6 hours. Ben tells Jack he is going to put Locke's body someplace safe, Jack says "safe? he's dead isn't he?". Ben ignores the question and tells Jack he'll be back in 6 hours.

Cut to Cheech Marin (Hurley's dad) making a baloney and caviar sandwich (I am not making this up). Maybe he has the munchies. The door knocks and he answers to see Hurley standing there with Sayid in a fireman's carry over his shoulders.

Hurley is catching his dad up to date on the escape... the LAPD is there and wants to see if Cheech has seen his son. Cheech gets rid of them. They tell Cheech that Hurley killed three people (Hurley says that Sayid did). Cheech says they need a doctor to wake Sayid up. Hurley knows what to do.

Cut to Kate and Aaron in an elevator. They are in a hotel or penthouse... and it is Sun who is there.

Cut to Ben in a butcher's shop. There's a lady butcher behind the counter. (Is it Harriet? The hard-hearted harbinger of haggis? Alas, it is not). She knows Ben and greets him by name. He tells her he has something important in his van and needs her to watch it for him. She says "he'll be safe with me" and everything is right on schedule. Whatever the plan is, she's in on it. She asks if he got Shepherd, and he says yes. She wonders if Ben bribed Jack with pills, and Ben shoots her a dirty look and gets all defensive in her grill "cut him some slack, he's been through a lot -- we all have". She acquiesces and apologizes. Ben tells "Jill" to keep Locke safe, because if she doesn't, what they are about to do won't matter at all.

Back to the island and beach, night time and they are still trying to build a fire. Finally they succeed and it flickers out. Didn't they ever see Cast Away? Charlotte brings Farraday a mango or papaya or something. She tells him she has a bad headache. And now is having patches in her memory. She can't remember her mom's maiden name. She asks Daniel he knows what is happening to her. Before he can answer, Miles comes back with dinner, a wild boar that had been dead in the jungle. Nerdy Neil is pushing everyone's buttons. Like a red shirted guy from Star Trek, he is dead, as flaming arrows (sounds like a gay cover band) fly through the air out of nowhere and one hits him. Sawyer and Friends scatter to try and avoid the assault.

The remaining Losties scatter as random ones eat it.

Hurley is stuck in his dad's house as the cops are staking out the place. His mom has come home and asks why there is a dead Pakistani on her couch. LOL. Hurley's dad sneaks them out of the house in his truck.

Kate and Sun are catching up. Sun shows Kate her baby's picture. Sun asks if Kate is alright. Kate tells Sun someone knows they are lying, some lawyers came to her house asking for a blood sample. Sun says they weren't interested in exposing the lie, they just want Aaron. If they wanted to expose the lie they would just do it. Sun tells Kate she needs to get rid of them, any way she can. Kate asks "what kind of person do you think I am?" Cut to Jin on the freighter from the end of last season, when Sun reminds Kate that she told Sun to get on the chopper and Kate would get Jin. Kate is crying. Sun says "you're a person who does what she had to do, and if she hadn't they all would have died not just her husband". Sun says she doesn't blame Kate. She asks how Jack is. They cut away before we find out if she tells Sun that as far as Kate knows he is bat shit crazy.

Cut to Cheech, who has met up with clean cut Jack. Cheech brings him to Sayid's comatose body in the trunk, covered up by a lovely poncho. Jack says they have to bring Sayid to a hospital. Jack says he'll do what he has to despite Cheech saying if they go to the hospital the hitmen will finish the job. Cheech says if they do that for Jack, then Jack has to stay away from Hugo. Jack calls Ben and tells him he has Sayid.

Cut to Hurley, back at the McMansion with his mamacita. Hurley tells his mom that they all lied about the crash. He tells her they crashed on a crazy island. With the smoke monster. With the Others. With the Button. And the Hatches. And Desmond's Girlfriend's Father. And the freighter. With the killers. The rest of the people are still on the island, and he starts crying. She tells him she believes him, even though he sounds crazy.

He says all the bad stuff is happening because they lied.

Back to Sawyer and Juliet in the jungle. They are captured by guys with machetes who demand what they are doing on the island?

Cut to Jack in the hospital, he is working on Sayid. Who wakes up and tries to choke Jack before he realizes who he is. Jack tells Sayid that Cheech brought him to Jack. Sayid asks where Hurley is and Jack says at home with his mother.

Cut to Hurley heating up a burrito in the microwave.

He turns to find Ben standing over his shoulder and he throws the burrito at him in panic. He tells Hugo that Ben has a car waiting to get rid of him. That Ben knows Sayid is with Jack. Hurley says its a mind game and they'd never trust him. Ben says they came around and realized they all want the same thing: to go back to the island. Ben says if he comes with, he'd never have to lie again. Hurley runs out to the police, that's how much he wants away from Ben. He admits to killing the people. He smirks as Ben leaves.

Cut back to the Island with Sawyer and Juliet - and the army men who demand answers and are abount to cut off Juliet's hand, when someone saves them and kills the captors -- Locke.

Cut to a lab with a weird person in a cloak doing equations on the blackboard. Where does one buy a cloak these days? Cloaks R Us? The Cloak Barn? Cloak and Barrel? Cloaky goes up a spiral staircase to a room filled with lit candles - it's Ben in the candle room, and cloaky tells him he has 70 hours. Cloaky turns around and reveals herself to be the weird whitehaired english lady who refused to sell Desmond the engagement ring back in the day and explained the theory that whatever will happen cannot be changed. I am guessing she is Farraday's mother as well as being the Time Lady. Ben asks what happens if he can't get them all together in 70 hours? She says "God help us all".

LOST.

whoo. VERY action packed episode. What did you guys think?